It's a New Year and My Resolutions are Coming

Wow, it's 2010 and I feel so much better already. Not sure if it's because I can now distance myself from all the mistakes I made in 2009, or just that I drank too much wine last night. At any rate January is the month where I make a genuine effort to come up with important resolutions that are forgotten by February. This is such a cathartic process that I encourage all of you to do the same. Not in any particular order and accompanied by the stream of consciousness that each absurd resolution evokes:

1) I will not cut my hair! I don't mean never even get a trim, but that I will keep my hair long in general even though it looks even more gray and Kristin refers to it as a "semitic fro". On this topic please see the David Crosby song "Almost cut my Hair" from the CSNY "Deja Vu" album and "Cut My Hair" from the Who's Quadrophenia disc. Oh yeah you have the song "Hair" from the play "Hair" (I think) but that's not my cup of tea.
2) Get in Shape Fat Boy! Hey easy, self, that's not really necessary, but Oh yeah I get it, sort of the boot camp motivational "suck it up plebe" motif. "Yes Sir!" I am ready and I really need to make this happen. 50 now, 50% of the way there, perhaps the most important aspect of one's quality of life. Helps to maintain sanity and keeps one from going daft, greatest stress reliever this side of yodeling.
3) Save the world, please.  Really I am so bad in this regard, in a selfish way. We are too lucky, living a relatively easy, comfortable life. Soldiers, homeless, Mets fans, hungry kids are way worse off and perhaps we can make their life a bit easier by devoting a little time, money or compassion to them. I am sure we will find that it helps us out a heap as well. In addition, become more ecologically aware and sensitive. I am officially cancelling my plans to have our house sided with styrofoam.
4) Write more posts you lazy lard bottom! Yes I swear I will do this no matter how painful it is to the scores of people forced to read and comment on them.
5) May Laughter Reign- Yes this is another key to health and long living. There are so many serious things going on in our lives and the world. It is very easy to be too serious, and too negative. All the more reason for stupid, witty, absurd, disgusting, immature and silly jokes. Laughing keeps you young and is also good for the abs. Laugh long and hard, except when you are at piano recitals, funerals, or when you are being scolded by your parent, spouse or boss. Actually, cancel that last sentence, just laugh!
6) The Arts, not the Farts- the true sign of an advanced society is the quality of their technolgy and their art. Art, be it painting, singing, TV, film, sculpture, writing, cooking, allows us to be who we are, and connect with our soul. Throughout the years, cultures have believed one of the best ways to honor their God is to create great art. So expose yourself to it, enjoy it, and create it. Truly Zen is "in the art of...."
Got to take care of that hyper-flatulence too.
7) Be more / less sensitive- Yes society, the media and interacting with other self-important idiots like me makes everyone sensitive to criticism. Be it criticism of ourselves, our kids, our cars, our pets or our neckwear, in general we are too sensitive. Do you care that someone cut you off on the way to the starbucks drive-through, or moved in front of you on the line to pay your late fee at the library? Just think Iraq. As in you are not there risking your life, so thank God, shut up and smile. On the other hand, we all need to be more sensitive to each other, our spouse, kids, old people and animals. Get tough on yourself, but be kind to others. They need it more than you anyway, admit it.
8) More spirituality- I know I need this, and it probably would not hurt most people. It may pertain to religion, it may not. Bottom line, connect with who you are, and who created you. It may be God, Yahweh, Allah, Mother Earth or simply the Universe. Take time each day to realize that there is a force greater than you that can fix things no matter how bad they seem, and comfort you when you feel you are alone. Don't forget to give props and pay back to "The Force" of "The Lord" in the best way you know how. If you need stuff, this is where to go too, sort of like your parents when you need cash or a ride.

Please note certain of these 10 go together. 3,7,8 are the Holy Trinity, and 4 and 6 pertain to each other, although it is a stretch to say that my posts are art. 2 and 5 for me work well, because the better shape I am in the more I laugh, and remember that laughter works the abs.

At any rate, the key is to make 2010 the best year it can be. For yourself, family and friends, and even that idiot who just spilled coffee on my Newsday. Matt,  remember #7. Who, Mickey Mantle? Oh yeah, right.
"Oh sure sir, that seat is open, let me move my bag, no that is no problem at all, Hazelnut coffee matches perfectly with my tie. Oh here let me get that for you, you dropped your turben".

Keep the Faith y'all.