Just when you feel so Omnipotent

, reality smacks you in the face, and you realize that you're nothing more than an aging superhero! Boy do I know how that feels. All the mathematical equations, tried and true methods and meticulous planning and yet......THAT BASIL PLANT IS HUGE! Holy Cow, as Phil Rizzuto used to say, that basil plant was the weakling, on the shady side of the planet, left to fend for itself, not long for this world. The other plant that I moved into the sun seemed to be doing fine though. Tonight I go out to converse with my home-veggies and the runt has 4 inch leaves. Wow that is so shocking and inspiring and educational. I picked 4 or 5 of those sweet smelling leaves, and pondered what steroid mixture or voodoo incantations had caused this.
My fragrant, green teacher is at it again, asking me to empty my cup, and learn the Tao of Basil:

Let Go: We cover every base, make every preparation, learn every nuance, and we think we are in control. Sometimes fate, divinity, or illegal mexican day laborors step in and change the path of our existance. At this point, let go and realize that sometimes we cannot control our destiny, that it is all "controlled folly" as Castaneda says. DO NOT RESIST or object, just adapt and move with the current.

Recognize Change: Do not hold prejudices, but look at each person, situation and flesh-eating zombie as a changing entity, today perhaps different than yesterday. From the moment I moved the other basil plant into the sun, I assume it was the healthiest, and ignored the gradual growth of the other lesser plant. It took an extreme change, those leaves the size of a cow's tongue, to make me "see" the plant in it's current state.

My logic, and my self are flawed: We often believe that we are right, when we are surely wrong (do I ever do that Linda?). Similar to a prejudice, our self image makes us want to be right. This often blinds us to clues that say we are wrong, or makes us forget to truly think things out. Sometimes we are just lazy. I assumed that moving the other plant to the "sunnier" side of the garden 2 months ago made him healthier, forever. In the past two months, the sun's trajectory has changed, and the tomato plants and parsley adjacent to the Basilia has grown and now provide varying amounts of shade as well. I thought I knew, but I didn't. Mea Culpa. Knowing that you don't know sometimes helps. Huh?

If my teacher is a plant what am I? On Kung Fu, Master Po called his student (David Carradine) "Grasshopper". Hmm, what other insect hangs arounds gardens looking to commune with vegetables? SLUG! Yes and they like beer too, as do I. Something about getting a new monicker makes you feel accepted, one of the guys, or ..um...bugs. Anyway, if you see me on the street, please don't call me Slug, that is a sacred name, only to be uttered by my teacher. Peace.

Yes I know he's an Arrogant Wanker but.....

Hello again from the center of the universe, because that is where I live. When babies are born, I have read, or maybe I just made this up, they believe for a certain period that they are the planet around which all action revolves. Most kids realize rather quickly that this is not the case. Isn't it funny how some people, especially certain selfish, nausiating adults, never learn that lesson? Speaking of somewhat arrogant, self-important adults, I have discovered (yes that's right!!!) another teacher.

"It's not a hill, it's a mountain" from "If I don't go crazy tonight" Bono/U2

"You got nothing I need, I can breathe" from "Breathe" Bono/U2

Oh I know many people will not like to hear that we can learn from that bad boy Bono, the cocky World Hunger champion who in general projects the fact that he is very fond of himself. But just hear me out before condemning me to the snake pit or nun convent:

When evaluating art, should the beholder consider the political, religious or ethical values of the artist? Hmmm, that is a tough one. As a student of art, of course, these factors enter into the analysis of the work of art or artist. But when deciding whether you like the song, painting, poem, sculpture or salami sandwich, must we consider the political party or social graces of the deli owner?

And now for some amateurish, and completely irresponsible interpretation:

"It's not a hill, it's a mountain"- When deciding whether to climb, would you rather see a hill or a mountain? In my mind a person decides to climb for their personal elevation, not based on the elevation of the challenge. If I am truly dedicated to the climb, and you say "but it's a mountain", I say "bring it on". Often the challege must match the desire, or the desire wanes.

"You got nothing I need, I can breathe"- Wow, how relevant is this, on a day when my schedule includes an eyebrow waxing, tanning session, trip to Macy's for Kenneth Cole shoes and then a spin on my $2000 Specialized mountain bike. Did I mention that my bike trip will be plotted by my GPS Iphone application? Is this point crystal clear, as in how much do we need? Food, loved ones, music, books, bike, beer, done. Even the beer could go, but given my contributions to society, let's splurge. The more we get, the more we "need". But if you stop kidding yourself, you know better.

Sorry just a second...what Al? I'm busy stop bothering me. OK, OK I will, just cool it. Wow, Mongoose is really touchy about me including a "Mongoose Lesson" in every post, so here goes.

Lesson from Mongoose: "Obama and Iran".
There are a handful of people that I pretty much see every day that I bike. One of them is a rather large, imposing gentlemen that walks a large, similarly mean looking pit bull. Dogs are not allowed in the preserve, but as you guessed it, I am not going to break that news to him. The first 2 or 3 times I passed him. I gave my standard "good morning" to which he did not reply, respond or even look up. This did not deter me as, when I am flying by, endorphins firing and procreating, I have no choice. Each subsequent "good morning" produced a look, a nod, and finally a "good morning". This guy will never be in my will, but now I can assume that if I crash, he may not let his dog eat me alive. "Just shoot me first". I could have never said hello, or I could have said "get your dog out of here". I would never do that, as I would never invite this guy and his dog to my house. Given the realities of the situation, make the most of it, even if it means breaking the ice, one two or three times. Obama has the same issue with Iran, Syria and other countries. Not talking, maybe threatening, is often unproductive. Communicating does not mean endorsement. If I don't communicate with you and establish a relationship, how can I incluence your actions? If that fails, then we nuke you !!! (just kidding).

Infomercial Alert: As I am also in the useless invention business (I am?, oh yeah I am taking over for Billy Mays RIP), I have the inside scoop on life-changing products before you see them advertized on channel 9 at 2 am. The first of many is the Lexicometer. This device, when attached to your throat, accurately measures words spoken per minute, average syllable per word, total syllables per sentence, and the education grade level at which the user is speaking. Just read this testimonial from Grub (formally Muffy), from Alabama:

" I had moved to the trailer park with high hopes, but nobody gave me a second glance, or invited me to any of the glue-sniffing parties. At first I thought it was because I wore a wreath of asparagus, and live centipedes for earings. Little did I know that my diction was just way too high-brow for these adorable losers. Once I started wearing the lexicometer, the problem was obvious. Each week I dumbed down my conversation, measuring my regress, following the easy to follow directions on how to sound like an elementary school dropout. Now I have lots of unemployed, homeless friends. I recently married a prisoner, and nobody will ever know that I have an MS in English from Harvard. Thank you Lexicometer! "



Wow, that story brings a tear to my eye, and also gives me a slight twitch.


My Word! What the L is that boy thinking? In the "what a difference a letter makes" category, add an L to savage and you have salvage. Which begs the question man has asked througout history, can we salvage the savage? This is a question that the U.S. must also answer in regard to wars in Iraq and Iran. What do Charles Dickens and Notorious BIG have in common? Yes both made their living from words, but the real answer is that both lived in a "crib". In Great Expectations , Pip refers to The Temple, where he and Herbert live, as "his crib". Although Dickens never went as far as stating his intention to "pimp his crib", it does make one wonder if there is a connection.

Basil Alert: We recently attended a back yard party, and the hosts had basil plants in pots on their patio, in full sun. These plants were monsters. The leaves and total height were 4 times as large as mine. Perfect environment, maximum growth. That is our goal.

Keep the faith, and keep growing. Peace.