Thanks for the advice, I will ignore it !

Growing up we all got a lot of advice from parents , coaches , teachers and religious instructors (you are going to hell, don't say you know me ! ).  Even as adults we get advice daily from possibly caring, often opportunistic sources like self help books, life coaches, TV doctors (Oz and Phil) and even our dreams (Andy Warhol told me to buy Google last night).  It can all become a bit too much if you get my driftwood, a real pain in the solar plexiglass ( malaprops intended ). 

For this very reason I have devised a revolutionary advice avoidance and interpretation system that will allow us to inflate our own egos and perhaps put some of those media smart alecs on the unemployment line. Known as the Wisdom Translation Filter, or WTF, the system gladly accepts advice as input, and magically converts it to proof of one of the 10 commandments or truisms that I have deemed essential to continued life on the  planet. Here is a simple real life example:

The car mechanic tells me "your truck has something very wrong with the emission system or the fuel line and may explode. You should have that checked out".  I immediately discount and ignore his advice based on commandment #3: Anyone with auto grease between their teeth is untrustworthy.  Mission accomplished as Jorge Bushelo would say.

The next example involves a foolish train conductor who smugly advised me to "move to another car because the AC is broken in this one". Due to intense training in the WTF dogma, the left side of my brain (know as the hippo-inertial lobe)  flashes the warning IGNORE IGNORE - IGNORAMOUS ENCOUNTERED. This is based on commandment #7: Any civil servant wearing more than 100 buttons on their hat has most likely suffered brain damage from toxic metal seepage. Avoid and ignore them at all costs. I stayed in the car and wound up losing 3 pounds. I happened to be on a diet and did not have to go to the gym that night. So the WTF system does work !

Although I would not force this philosophy (dare I say manifesto?) on any right thinking American, should you be looking to start a dictatorship or theocracy in another country, or at the local Knights of Columbus hall, it is a great base to build on. The 10 commandments are:

1.  Never pay more than $10 (tip included ) for a haircut.  What, you already knew that one? How did you know?
2. If you see a restaurant with a fairly long line of cats outside, they probably serve great seafood. 
3. Mentioned above.
4. Donald Trump's hair is a totally self sufficient ecosystem, similar to parts of the Amazon jungle. It absorbs oxygen and false praise and emits hate, bigotry, lies and UV rays that sometimes cause transition sunglass lenses to darken.
5. Decaf coffee and non-alcoholic beer should be outlawed. They make as much sense as invisible paint. If you don't want them, or can't have them, leave them alone. 
6.  Aliens have abducted a fairly high percentage of the New York population and replaced them with exact replicas. The one tell-tale sign of these creatures is a predilection for playing Pokemon Go. Once the leaders of the foreign planet have sufficient location info about earth (transmitted by Pokemon Go) , they  will invade the planet and appoint Ichiro Suzuki as supreme leader. Can't wait !
7. Please see above. 

Well that's it. Oh you say I should have 10 commandments? I will ignore that. 

Basil update: those vegetables are a loyal, tightly knit crew! I was eavesdropping the other morning  under the guise of weeding and watering, when I heard the basil, peppers and tomatoes talking. "We have to stick together. Here in the garden, on the cutting board, in salads, in their mouths, stomachs and beyond, don't ever let them break us up".  A tear came to my eye, or was that just the morning dew?

Keep the Faith y'all !