A Lesson from Klaatu

 It has been far too long ago that I last posted, my dear readers, er reader, ....is there anybody out there!!??
Sorry, but yes far too long between posts and I promise to correct that, however painful it may be for the faithful few who do read this unorthodox blog of mine.

As you all know, I get inspiration from inanimate objects, have mentors such as Basil  plants, and often learn my most pungent (or is that poignant?) lessons from my two-wheeled teachers, a succession of mountain bikes. The first was Al, my Mongoose Rockadile AL. In gratitude for his teachings, I bent several of his rims and he now sits in solitude, rusting and dusting away in my shed. Who said a teacher's retirement isn't grand?
Then there was JP my JeeP, $99 Black Friday special who taught me volumes and served me well, until I brought him back to Sports Authority for servicing, where he expired at the hands of an undercover pet groomer posing as a bike technician. My current teacher and mountain bike is Klaatu, a K2 Zed 4.4 beauty, far superior to those previously mentioned in technology as well as wisdom. A brief encounter with a couple of racing bikers, described below, was the vehicle for my latest lesson.

Wide tires: - This past Sunday, as I entered the preserve where I bike, I encountered 2 guys on racing bikes. If you don't already know, racing bikers and mountain bikers, of which I am one, do not mix. They are separate castes, but more on that later. I gave them a good 30 seconds to pick up the pace, and when they did not, I passed them using the proper protocol with a cheery "good on your left" as I zipped by. Given the fact that racers don't like the mere sight of a mountain biker on "their" trail, they certainly don't like the site of a mountain biker's backside as he passes their faster bikes. They were in pursuit. As I emerged from the woods they were on my tail, but as I crossed over the  highway grass median (looking both ways for traffic), they stayed on the paved shoulder and proceeded down to the traffic light.

This surprised me until I realized, they have racers with thin tires, and can only ride on pavement. Hmmm how limiting, I thought, how inefficient, how illogical. They are specialized, aesthetic. My mountain bike has wide tires, I can ride on pavement, gravel, grass, dirt, a stream. They must stay on the straight and narrow of the paved trail.

Klattu has taught me many things, and I had a feeling I was about to learn a life lesson. I asked myself if I had wide tires as I traveled the path of life. Can I go anywhere, both literally and figuratively? Can I live in cold and hot, city and rural, east and west, other countries? More important, do I have wide enough tires to converse with the CEO, and in the next breath joke with the janitor, respect the senior citizen walking so slowly in front of me, smile as the infant on my train cries and cries? Can I solve analytical, aesthetic and philosophical problems, while simultaneously fixing the faucet, planting the shrubs and grouting the tile. The racer may get to his destination faster than I, but can only take a specific path. Should he encounter debris along the way he is done, a certain blowout. On the trail my wide tires can withstand all obstacles, but can I translate that to challenges that confront me in daily life, at home work and school?  The racer has one path to his goal, the arrival and speed so important. The paths of the wide tires are many, often the destination uncertain, the results unexpected, the journey most essential.

Do you have wide tires? I hope that  I do, and now think of this question throughout my day.

Lucky readers of this post are privy to the "New Inventions" feature which highlights the latest technological or imaginary innovations that I have either used myself, or fabricated while daydreaming in the most recent Global Town Hall at work. The first of many hopefully:


Google Drone: This new app is a joint effort between the US Dept. of Homeland Security and a rogue droid development team based in Tel Aviv. For a fairly large fee ($250,000 first time, $200,000 for each successive), you can have a cutting edge technology military drone seek out, lock in and vaporize the person, pit bull, or nail salon of your choice. One requirement is that the target must own a registered Iphone or Droid OS based smartphone, and be running google maps or another supported GPS-based location app. "What was that you said about me on on facebook?" Just plug in the offending creep's phone number, add to cart, and voila, problem solved. PayPal is accepted.

Until next time, "Constant Vigilance"!